I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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