wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
