the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
