NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
