She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
