My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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