Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
