My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize