You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
