Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
