420 ftw
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
