So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
