Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
