why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize