it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
