I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
