life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do vagina's smell?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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