I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I deserve this hangover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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