Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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