I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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