Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
