Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
