Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
