Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
