Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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