So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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