I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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