so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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