reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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