i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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