it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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