i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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