Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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