My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
