these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
