I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
