Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just pee around me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
