He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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