The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
