I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
