I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
not ubering you a puppy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
