NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
