I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
