why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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