Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
