Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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