How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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