Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
