So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
