we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
