i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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