I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
