I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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