It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
