you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
