Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
