Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
