she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
