We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
