just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
