with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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