you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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