This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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