It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
