so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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