So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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