i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
