Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
