Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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