I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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