I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
