Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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