I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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