You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My penis needs a shock collar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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