i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
